nervous

im starting to feel overwhelmed by the sheer quantity of things i have to do. . . just want to take off for the weekend and party and escape for a bit.

i have been talking to din and elena online much more now, and i am getting so freakin excited to see them at the wedding. they are sisters who were two of my best friends in high school. i have been listening to the wedding playlist pretty incessantly and it makes me happy/teary/etc.

im just really tired. . . i upped my cymbalta which is making it impossible for me to get a good night's sleep. so my nurse prescribes me trazodone, which turns me into a zombie. no happy medium. . .

im off to watch top chef and maybe do my nalls or something. xox

35 days

till i become a married woman.

i have been working on the wedding playlist, which makes me alternately incredibly happy and kind of wistful/nostalgic.

i look at myself and sometimes don't know how i made it this far. . . i am very, very happy with my place in this world and can't believe how much i have been transformed in the past 9 years.

i still remember everything. . . and i know i have to. we all have our burden to bear, right?? but its not as painful. there are so many good things. my relationship with my sister is so positive right now, and i love her baby more than anything. he will have such a happy, supported life- it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it.

i have a job i love- a job that is sometimes too consuming, but something i truly enjoy.

i have alaira and gabe- they make me insane, but they are my best friends and my life.

and then there is vic, that dude i'm going to marry. i am SO lucky. i believe in so MUCH now. . . he has made me a believer. in what? everything.

i am so, so excited to get married!! and to have the biggest party of my life with my friends, my true family.