grieving a house?

i have been crying on and off the past 2 days. so confused.
last week we found our dream house- seriously, a house i would want to spend many years in. we paid our security deposit and were SO happy- i had already started envisioning what different rooms would be for, and where furniture would go. . . then sunday i got an email from the future landlord saying she couldn't rent to us because our references didn't check out. i called her and was like WHAT? the only references were my boss and our landlord. both said they had given us a great reference. well it turns out my landlord was lying. he said we live like pigs, that we are lazy and can't take care of the house, and that we pay the rent late. NONE of which is true- he has never complained about us at all in the 2 years we have lived there. fuck him, hes a two faced piece of shit- but i'm just so deeply sad about losing that house. and i'm afraid whereever we try to go, he will never give us a good reference.
vic and i called him on his shit today. he was super passive aggressive- first tried to deny it all, then flipped out and said that we were asking to have our house robbed and spent so much time whining about it to him- he said some horrible things. basically every time i asked him, why didn't you just say something to us if you had a problem with something? he was silent. he was not apologetic whatsoever and refused to take blame for us losing the new place. he said he would give us a decent reference and that he would let us move by May 1st. i dont know if he really will give us a decent reference. . . i just want to get out of here. vic even asked him, why didnt you bring up any of these issues about our supposed lack of cleanliness when you renewed our lease? why didnt' you just be honest? he was literally silent.
i just feel sick to my stomach. it has been so long since i met someone i think is genuinely a truly awful person at heart- i feel like i was robbed of something i desperately wanted. . .and that is where the suffering comes in, from the attachment to earthly things. i have so much left to learn. i know the answers to some things, but don't know how to live them.
i think another thing that just makes me sick is that 7 or 8 years ago, probably everything he said was true. i lived in terrible places and saw terrible things and probably essentially did "live like a pig." which is a retarded expression. and to know that i have turned my entire life around, and been stable for so many years- to have totally false shit thrown in my face hurts. and to know it cost me a beautiful home that i KNOW we would have been so happy in. .. makes me want to throw him through a window or something.
i hate feeling so angry. . .


4 weeks!

its been 4 weeks since my surgery. it has definitely been rough. this is a major surgery that is taking a long time to recover from- i dont think i quite realized what it would be like afterwards. some days i think that i am back to normal, so i push myself to do my normal level of activity- and then i pay for it later with swelling and soreness.
the first week was an emotional roller coaster, coming off the general anesthesia and just being totally taxed by the painkillers/antibiotics. 2nd week i went back to work part time. it was really draining. week 3 was pretty good- i am back at work almost full time, and feeling much sharper. so we will see how this week goes!
week 1 was incredibly stressful for a couple of reasons. our landlord is a dick and never responds to anything, so our heater had been out for like 3 days, no response. he kept putting it off, putting it off, and it was wednesday of week 1 with no heat. so i pretty much flipped out and cried hysterically, and straight away developed a fever. that was a good indication to me to chill the fuck out. 2 days later, i found out that my former co worker/current classmate had told other classmates about the nature of this surgery. ok . . . i had no interest in my classmates knowing ANYTHING about this. the majority of my classmates are a bunch of weirdos who make me fear for the social work profession- with the exception a few really cool women. but anyway, i was furious at her lack of common sense and basic ridiculousness. i dont think most people can understand what a life changing experience this is, and while i am happy to talk about it, its also very private- and i dont want OTHER people sharing my personal business. this person is not even my friend. . .ugh. so i called her on her shit in an email and she pretty much wiled out on me. she told me that i had "violated" her by telling her how it is. . . my fever shot up again that day.
another thing that was difficult was the lack of support i got from my friends. anna texted every day and my coworkers made me care package- kwals even sent cookies. my sister brought me magazines and treats and spent a day with me. but the majority of people who i think are my friends didn't call, text, or email at all that first week. after a surgery, the patient feels SO vulnerable and out of sorts. if someone you know has a surgery, contact them right away!! sent a text or a card. . .just so they know you care. your body has been literally opened up and put back together, you are emotionally a mess- all you crave is comfort.
luckily enough, i have SUCH an amazing husband. this experience has brought us even closer together- he has taken such amazing care of me, and met my every need. i genuinely feel the partnership of marriage- it is a beautiful thing. and its a really wonderful experience to be married to your best friend. so despite any loneliness or hurt i felt, i am not alone. . .
now im gonna watch some lifetime movies and chill!