i have been crying on and off the past 2 days. so confused.
last week we found our dream house- seriously, a house i would want to spend many years in. we paid our security deposit and were SO happy- i had already started envisioning what different rooms would be for, and where furniture would go. . . then sunday i got an email from the future landlord saying she couldn't rent to us because our references didn't check out. i called her and was like WHAT? the only references were my boss and our landlord. both said they had given us a great reference. well it turns out my landlord was lying. he said we live like pigs, that we are lazy and can't take care of the house, and that we pay the rent late. NONE of which is true- he has never complained about us at all in the 2 years we have lived there. fuck him, hes a two faced piece of shit- but i'm just so deeply sad about losing that house. and i'm afraid whereever we try to go, he will never give us a good reference.
vic and i called him on his shit today. he was super passive aggressive- first tried to deny it all, then flipped out and said that we were asking to have our house robbed and spent so much time whining about it to him- he said some horrible things. basically every time i asked him, why didn't you just say something to us if you had a problem with something? he was silent. he was not apologetic whatsoever and refused to take blame for us losing the new place. he said he would give us a decent reference and that he would let us move by May 1st. i dont know if he really will give us a decent reference. . . i just want to get out of here. vic even asked him, why didnt you bring up any of these issues about our supposed lack of cleanliness when you renewed our lease? why didnt' you just be honest? he was literally silent.
i just feel sick to my stomach. it has been so long since i met someone i think is genuinely a truly awful person at heart- i feel like i was robbed of something i desperately wanted. . .and that is where the suffering comes in, from the attachment to earthly things. i have so much left to learn. i know the answers to some things, but don't know how to live them.
i think another thing that just makes me sick is that 7 or 8 years ago, probably everything he said was true. i lived in terrible places and saw terrible things and probably essentially did "live like a pig." which is a retarded expression. and to know that i have turned my entire life around, and been stable for so many years- to have totally false shit thrown in my face hurts. and to know it cost me a beautiful home that i KNOW we would have been so happy in. .. makes me want to throw him through a window or something.
i hate feeling so angry. . .