that doesnt mean i'm an authority on india in anyway
or that indians are middle eastern!!!

saturday at the grand opening of the crossroad store-
rich santa fe-ish woman on the board of directors :"there is a DELIGHTFUL thrift store in gallup that sells the most LOVELY punjabis!!!" (stares at me intently, very proud of her attempt to connect with me)
me: ????? i thought that was a language? "-----"
rich biotch: "those punjabis are just beautiful!!"
me: HUH? "that's nice, bye"

we get a large quantity of donations at crossroads that consist of clothes entirely from 1985, and usually teresa, one of the staff here, will put the most interesting items in various people's offices and around. some of the items we've gotten have consisted of a bright teal prom dress- in my office- a yak hat- raylene's office- and a yak coat!- lisa's office. she hung up a long grey robe downstairs, that apparently middle eastern men wear.
the receptionist downstairs: "i had no idea that was offensive for that to be up! i am so sorry, i hope we didn't offend you!"
me: HUH? "you didn't. . ."


the receptionist: "see we took it down! what are those called again?"
me: " i have no idea . . ."
receptionist: "YOU DONT? oh." (confused face)



and weddings swirled around in her head. . .

WHOA. seriously, whoa. weddings are SERIOUS business. i knew this, purely from an outsiders perspective. but now i'm actually semi in this world, and its scary. my sister, who is incredibly sweet and excited, presented me with my first bridal maagazine. and its terrifying. probably 200 solid pages of ads, with swoooning, dramatic brides pouting and posing. i think there were 2 articles in the whole damn thing.
anna and reen and i went to a bridal boutique to try on dresses. i was dreading it, but it was actually pretty fun!! no wonder everyone looks hot in a wedding gown- you are literally strapped in, buckled down, corseted, the whole fuckin deal- of course you're gonna look good!!
i actually have some good ideas for what i would like my dress to look like, hopefully for a third of the price of the gowns in there.
so that leads me to my next question? who is going to pay for all this?? should i start one of those internet fad sites soliciting money through paypal, with a sob story to inspire people? plasma donation? what? help!
people have been just lovely about us being engaged though. my work folk all gave me a really sweet card, and are demanding to meet vic to give him their stamp of approval. . . cute.
my friends have all been wonderful with phone calls and texts and lots of love. i still have a lot of phone calls to make this week.
yesterday was my man's birthday- i got him a bunch of stuff for the wii and i think he was pretty thrilled. i also made baked mac and cheese, and we all pigged out to the 9th degree- is that the right expression? i dont think so. oh well.
also, i have a mouse in my house.
anna saw it the first time scampering behind the stove. i saw it in the laundry room diving down a pipe. yesterday i saw it running across the ledge behind the sink.
friend, you are too bold.
at first i imagined all the cute adventures you must be having.
you have gone too far.
a humane trap will be in place today to take you to a new home. farewell in advance.



i KNEW as soon as i saw him- i know that look. i know what its like to have to hide your life from everyone and everything. i fucking knew it, and i feel so guilty. i feel torn inside. in happier news, i am engaged to get married to the best guy i've ever known. but it seems pretty small compared to a 13 year old who loves reading and music and kittens who is getting beat with a fucking belt every night. tonight i'll wish on everything there is, for you.


t or c

on our way to a little relaxation!

last night i went to the state fair with my sister and brother in law.

-stood on some rocks and watched the rodeo over the fence.
-saw nigerian acrobats
-listened to some high school rappers from burque
-ate deep fried cheesecake, cheese fries, frito pie, and a gyro
-watched people try to sell a variety of things
-petted a huge brahma bull
-ooohed and aahed over some baby goats
-went on the ferris wheel

i love living here.

then i had a great evening watching the devils rejects with zak and anna.



one slipper kind of morning

one of the dogs took my slipper. . . its fuzzy and white and looks kind of like a little dog to chew on, i guess . . . annoyed.
been stressing a lot lately, feeling a major need to get back on my meds and get back in therapy. especially with the people i deal with on a daily basis, i need some back up. in the form of pharmaceuticals.
i always come back to you

in other news, courtney appears to have 14 days till san fran!! whoo hoo!! courtney update us on your moving progress!! xoxo



rickety rides run by carnies? check.
a giant juicy turkey leg? check.
ice cold lemonade? check.
funnel cake with ice cream and hot fudge? check.
giant rabbits, pygmy goats, and ponies? check.
an amazing airbrushed shirt with my name and a panther on it? oh yes.

i love the state fair!!

blondie 11:59

Leaning in your corner like a candidate for wax.
Sidewalk social scientist don't get no satisfaction from your cigarette
It's ten to ten.
Time is running out.
Lock up all your memories.
Get outa here, you know that we can run.
Today can last another million years.
Today could be the end of me.
It's 11:59, and I want to stay alive.
Pumping like a fugitive in cover from the night.
Take it down the freeway like a bullet to the ocean.
Wait until the morning, take tomorrow by the hand.
Take it down the highway like a rocket to the ocean.
We can run.
Today can last another million years.
Today could be the end of me.
It's 11:59, and I want to stay alive.
Hanging on a frequency, burning like a fire.
Boy, you've got the motion down.
It's getting late, I'm tired and I've lost control.
Don't leave me here.
Time is running out.
Take me down the highway like a rocket to the ocean.
We can run.
Today can last another million years.
Today could be the end of me.
It's 11:59, and I want to stay alive.

had a very very bad saturday. i was on call and got a crisis call. was in 3 different hospitals for 10 hours. heard horrible stories and basically was a counselor for the entire day, to someone who doesnt know me and certainly doesnt trust me. why should she? had a little nervous breakdown when i thought i was done for the day and had to go back. havent cried that hard in years.
never been so happy to walk through home's door and see a fucking beagle.
today: state fair. turkey leg, funnel cake, deep fried thingies.


latest inspirations

charlotte russe teenage hooker heels- in beige and black
a pink parasol
melaka fray
red nails white tips
oversized black tee shirts
yellow flats
my clients
my art group for the clients
la faundah my honda and her hot pink duct taped side
elizabeth berg
hot chocolate with chili powder
crisp mornings
cool evenings
vic wearing his fave hoodie- fall is almost here!!


politics make me queasy.

or rather, republicans, namely george and john, do.
the movie united flight 93 was on TV- arrg. hard to watch. i started reading up on 9/11 stuff for the first time in years. . . watched the infamous footage of bush sitting in the classroom on 9/11 like a fuckin dumbass . . . then proceeded to watch all the various videos on youtube of bush's fuck ups and absolute stupidity over the past 8 years.
a vote for mccain is pretty much saying you want four more years of bush. . . if any of you are planning to vote for mccain, do NOT tell me this. seriously. it might kill me.
no one's saying obama's perfect. he's still a politician. but he's the best option we have, and i have some faith in him. plus, i really like albuquerque and dont want to have to relocate to canada anytime soon.
i'm already nervous and its two months away.

guns are funs

yesterday in santa fe i shot a gun for the first time! a rifle to be exact. i dont think i did very well with it, but we had a blast. i shot one semiautomatic rifle and one with a scope and the pump action thingie. we were in the middle of nowhere shooting at stuff and these guys with fake police hats were there as well. they were pretty creepy, and i expected them to shoot all of us and drive off. scurry!
then we had a lovely dinner at a place called gabriels, where i got pollo con mole poblano- chicken in mole sauce. YUM!
after dinner we went to the casino. . . i promptly lost my allotted $20. . . god i love the casino!
i've been having weird post apocalyptic dreams lately, that leave me feeling lonely and strange every morning.
my goal for this week is to work on a healthy food menu and to STICK to it. this life needs some structure, stat.
the dog next door has the most shrill horrible bark ever, even worse than gabe's. . . i'm off to sulk about it for a bit.


weekend assignment

go to youtube, google "christian the lion." you will not be disappointed. ignore the cheesy whitney houston background music or allow yourself to be guiltily swept away by it. this is one of the sweetest things i have ever seen. i most certainly cried.

last night i got my septum pierced. it was fun! its a little crooked (hopefully just due to the swelling) but i really like it!
today we are going to santa fe to shoot guns with my brother in law, and celebrate reena's birthday. tomorrow, cliff's amusement park! and a lot of house cleaning blah.

have a wonderful weekend.
xoxo sheil


massage town

hey ya'll!!
the past couple of days have been just lovely. let's see, saturday anna and i went to the growers market. then we went to the flea market and picked up some marilyn and elvis prints. we made deviled eggs for her sisters baby shower. deviled eggs are amazing and awesome. and easy to make! ali im going to do a blog about them soon! I SWEAR IT!!
sunday we went to an alpaca farm! the alpacas were adorable and had big beautiful eyes. i wanted to take one home with me. alaira could be its herder. herding it around my backyard.
monday we went to zak and anna's for a yummy bbq.
yesterday we played tennis! i havent played tennis since i was a kid in my driveway with my sister. its pretty fun. then vic and i got massages. . . . ahhhh. i think massages are very intense experiences. . . i always start remembering a lot of things that i've buried, just little things, and it's nice. and just the sheer intimacy of it makes me reflect on a lot of things. lately buddha's five remembrances.

I am of the nature to grow old.
There is no way to escape growing old.

I am of the nature to have ill health.
There is no way to escape ill health.

I am of the nature to die.
There is no way to escape death.

All that is dear to me and everyone I love are of the nature to change.
There is no way to escape being separated from them.

My actions are my only true belongings.
I cannot escape the consequences of my actions.
My actions are the ground upon which I stand.

i'm planning to get the whole thing tattooed on me at some point.
friday i'm getting my septum pierced!
and its the fall (pretty much)!! i LOVE fall. GA has the most beautiful fall. . . pittsburgh didnt have much of one. i love love love fall. i love feeling the crispness in the air and looking forward to halloween! xoxoxoxo