you grow up and

leave home. you fall in love, an insane crazy love.
he doesn't love you back.

you spend the summer in the land of enchantment. it is so hot there that you are burning up inside, your skin changes colors, you write endlessly and feel everything.
you fall in love again. this time it's for real.

a man moves across the country for you.

you are shocked. you are SO SO in love. to some degree you are really just trying to convince yourself, to deal with the crazy situation you have been thrown into. but really, you haven't been thrown into it- you asked for it, you invited it, you reveled in the pure insanity and chaos of it all.

you live in hell.
your life has reached such a low point you don't know where you even are, in the universe. you scream and no one hears, but you scream quietly to make sure no one hears.
you want to die, for real. you're already dead but let's make it official.
you reach the seemingly endless bottom of the grave and decide to claw out of it.

you start over.
you make a strange little life for yourself, that consists of tents and notebooks and mad dog bottles and falling asleep with cigarettes.
its new and happy and devastating and true.

you fall in love.
it's hopeless and lonely, and normal and so abnormal.
he hurts you more than you have ever been hurt before, because he is That One and That Other One and HIM and every crushed dream you had along the way, rolled into one.
so you meet other boys.
they break your heart and you like to think that maybe you break some hearts along the way too.

you meet this one boy.
he is different.
you realize you had never truly been loved by a man, ever, until him.
you realize that it's possible for something to be pure, still, like the love you have for him.

a man moves across the country for you.
you are blessed and somewhat cured, and grateful.
you grow up

only in my dreams. . .

a bear.
a riddle.
"mirrored in the sky, the son of zeus."

callisto and arcas.


so the past week, i had my training, and honestly, i am exhausted. everyone has been great to me, but its incredibly overwhelming. there is just so much to learn. i can't believe its only been 5 days. i have one more week with the girl i am replacing, and then i am on my own. whoa. scared.
last night we cleaned out the old house for like 4 hours, came home and CRASHED. had my weird dreams.
today anna and i are going to the cradle project and i'm really excited to see it again. check out the link. there are some beautiful pieces. that's about it for the weekend, other than even MORE unpacking and stuffz. hopefully tomorrow i will be hitting up barnes and noble, then the coronado mall for an auntie anne's pretzel and boba tea (my favorite meal). xoxo


3 days till freedom is over!

i start my job on monday, but i have to admit, i am READY to go back to work. there were some great things about being unemployed. . . plenty of time for cooking and sleeping, rewatching seasons of buffy, buying things on craigslist, and having time to find a new place. the negatives far outweigh the positives though- i feel sluggish and unmotivated without a schedule, and i'm sick of doing housework and unpacking. i'm like a little ADD child who absolutely has to have some kind of schedule and routine, or i just go insane. i do feel really lucky i had this whole week off to unpack and get the house semi organized. i've just been running errands this past week. this weekend we have to clean out the old place, and i'm hoping to see my sister tomorrow.
note: i HATE the yasmin commercials. WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT! hey, shut the fuck up! yasmin is just an incredibly overpriced pill that is extremely similar to other pills- there are SO many types of pills that i think it's possible to find one that works for you, without having to shell out something like $65 a pack. you may as well use the nuva ring, which clocks in around $55. thanks bush adminstration!! but basically, don't believe the hype.
2nd note: apparently from my neighborhood, i can hear lions roaring at the zoo, and seals making. . .their noises, whatever those are called.
3rd note: the kids that live in the house behind us have a fucking POOL, and i'm sick of hearing their sounds of ecstasy as they splash and play all day. i was highly annoyed to chase gabe to the fence and see three little naked boys with their faces pressed against the fence, staring at me. gross. they also decided to throw a CD and a toy over the fence. little fuckers.

listening to: "sheila take a bow", the smiths; "sara", fleetwood mac


fucking morning

i wake up from my benadryl induced haze this morning, stumble out of bed, eat my Oh's cereal. vic calls, says that our landlord packed the trashcan too much and our trash is all over the road. oh fucking great. albuquerque doesn't have actual garbage men, just these neat trucks that pick up the garbage cans, raise them into the air and dump the trash in the back of the truck. so our stupid trashcan was too heavy for the poor little fork lift thingie. fuck. i also have to do laundry and clean up some dog poo in the yard. FUCKING GREAT!!!
sorry, i am cranky. . . in happier news, we moved into our new place. it is beautiful and SO not oppressive and just a good place to be. xox


i sincerely hope

that this man gets his puzzles!! because he pretty much made my night. click the image and this link to see the desperation.

weekend assignment

i better not be on this thang this weekend, because i have to move!!

tonight the indigo girls are playing at the albuquerque zoo- unfortunately, it's sold out and also gay pride weekend here! so i don't think i'll be able to get tickets for me and reen.
i loved their first couple of albums, my sister turned me onto them in like 7th grade and i still truly appreciate their beautiful harmonies, amazing lyrics, and activism. i haven't listened to anything they've done in the last 8-10 years, but i'm sure it's still solid as hell. they are also from my hometown of decatur! i listened to them all day yesterday and had a fun singalong.

this youtube video is REALLY old, of them performing "kid fears", which is a song that means a LOT to me personally. a much younger michael stipe comes in at the end and i love his little lamb bleating voice. makes me homesick for georgia to watch this!

please watch as your weekend assignment.

vegas revisited pt 3

ill end my vegas trip posts with some random pics and observations.

bellagio fountains- free, touristy, pretty
me and my boy
me posin at one of the many fountains in vegas
beautiful nike of samothrace outside caesars palace- i do plan to get nike as a tattoo one day
bill's saloon looked awesome, we never went in though
caesars palace also had about every designer store you could imagine!! it was amazing and kind of intimidating. these roses were on a canopy outside a store and they were sooo beautiful-
killer agent provacateur window display, complete with a bridal gown in a noose and scissors in a wedding cake
stars of the riviera hotel
me with mr. pinchy
vic with mr. pinchy

vegas is a fucking blast. . i made about $85 on the slots and spent like 300 times that on food, drinks etc. but it was a nice short vacation, and i can't wait to go back!! i also started a collection of these prostitute cards that men hand out on the strip. xoxo

vegas revisited pt 2

day two. we pretty much went to every hotel on the strip and checked out their casinos and stores. here's some pics:

a creature at mandalay bay
me by the luxor
i had wanted to stay at the luxor because i love all things egyptian, but i read bad reviews of it (plus it was pricey). then i stayed at circus circus, and realized i was a fool. but like circus circus, its on the far end of the strip. i think its better to stay in the middle.
here's new york new york!
we stopped here for a giant margarita and a pretzel.
now we arrive at my favorite thing in vegas ever.
the mgm lion exhibit!!
this is my new friend portia (and courtney, i'm not kidding about her name) and she came bounding up to the window to say holla!! the lions live on a ranch, and come to the exhibit for a few hours a day. they apparently love it in there because it is both scent proof and sound proof. thus, no agitation from the hordes of annoying people like myself that come to ooh and ahh at them. Photobucket
lions sleep 18-20 hours a day, so they were tired.
check out these paws!!
this is bijou
sleepy time!!
umm. .. . why don't i have this job?! why didn't someone say to me as a child, "sheila, you love animals?? here's what you do to work with them!! now do it!!"
i took about a million pics of these guys, but i won't subject you to anymore.
the ceiling of the wynn or the bellagio, i can't remember (all dale chihuly glass art)
our waitress at the bellagio was so old and cute and wanted to take our picture. this looks like our engagement announcement in a local periodical.

vegas revisted pt 1

day one. our flight is at 6 am. the night before i had gleefully packed almost everything i own into my alice pack, with different outfits picked out for different occasions/hours. we staggered out of bed and drove to the airport, which is luckily only like 5 minutes away. we had a stop in phoenix and i ate some m&ms for breakfast.
Photobucket this is me with no makeup on, and a puffy face.
i'll admit to being cranky at this point. i hate getting up early and i hate flying. flying is improved a million percent by having vic with me + not having to sit next to any babies, but still, it sucks.

going to vegas is like visiting some magical land with fake "culture"(it's egypt, greece, italy, and every other country in the world, all at once!!), amazing food, hot women, and consumerism all shoved down your throat at once. its not unpleasant, but its a lot to take in and swallow. its pretty awesome, if you can look at it objectively, and just let go.
we got to our dive-y ass hotel and attempted to check in. shelley, our helpful circus circus representative was one of the most clueless people i have ever seen, and couldn't locate any record of our reservation. we got some breakfast, where i snapped at poor vic and the poor orbitz woman. we get back in the check in line, which takes us about 45 min to get to the front. we stand there keeping our fingers desperately crossed that we won't get shelley again. this time we get carina, but with the same result. i snap that i am not getting back in line, and we manage to get things resolved. our room was pretty nice. my only real requirement for a vacation room is that it has a giant fluffy king bed that i can thrash around on. check!
we showered and slept for a while, then got incredibly excited and walked the strip. i think this was a mistake- the next time, i would hang at the pool and lounge till like 5 or 6, then get going, to avoid the extreme heat. everything there is open so late! also, vegas is not just casinos and strip shows- there are lions. lots of them. and i love them all. that day we saw sigfried and roys lion exhibit at the mirage, with dolphins as well. these are probably the most beautiful lions i have ever seen. the male had a HUGE mane and was more white than golden, with big green eyes. i do hate sigfried and roy, and whichever one got eaten got what he deserved, pretty much. then we had dinner at mon ami gabi at paris, PhotobucketPhotobucketwhere we had the best mussels of all time, and my new favorite appetizer, baked cheese and tomato, which is a hunk of goat cheese surrounded by tomato and basil mixture. SO GOOD!!
that night we saw the ooh la la burlesque show at paris, which was fantastic!! the girls started their routine with "bad boyfriend" by garbage, which made me incredibly happy. they each had their own talent going on- one girl did a hoop thing, one was a gymnast, one a ballet dancer in black leather toe shoes, one sang a lounge version of viva las vegas, one did a magic act. they were all super cute and fun. they also came out at one point dancing with pink rifles, which warmed my heart. there was something for everyone- a really great bondage act, a fashion show. . . there was a total douche sitting next to me who was so drunk he actually FELL on me coming back to his seat. vic shouted at him, he apologized, i retreated as far into vic's side as possible in my repulsion. the guy also seemed to think that the girls liked him personally. . .yeah, i'm sure they do, buddy.
i would highly recommend going to this show-it was cheap too!
we went back to our hotel and headed to the slots o fun casino next door. this place was totally shitty and totally fun. PhotobucketPhotobucket
i went straight for the slots, and vic headed to the $2 craps table. another thing about vegas- this free drinks at casino thing is definitely blown out of proportion. it takes forever for someone to come over to you, and then its going to take forever to get your next drink- drinks were sooo expensive too! so i think that its good to hit up places with drink specials and not count on the free drinks too much, unless you are playing the tables at a super nice casino (which someone like me is not).
so ends day 1.

note: these pics are all distorted from photobucket, sorry!

listening to oblivians- big black hole, jenny lewis and the watson twins


thorns in roses

soon i'm going to have to change the tagline of this blog. i start my new job june 23rd!! i am genuinely excited. . .
now i'm hungry and off to eat some los cuates salsa. oh east coasters, i have to send you some of this stuff!!
today we're moving more boxes over to the new house and going out to eat to celebrate!! xoxo

listening to the album guitar romantic- exploding hearts


holla heres a terrorist fist jab

if you don't know what this post title refers to, please google "terrorist fist jab" immediately for laughs.

I GOT ANOTHER JOB OFFER!!!! whooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!! and its two blocks from my house. sorry mortuary!!

worked the exchange tonight, really enjoyed it. we had clothes outside the van for people to take. one woman declared that she was going to find something for her slutty daughter, and wondered what fucking clothes her slutty daughter would wear. she turned down several things, citing the fact that her daughter was a slut and would not wear these things. it was pretty hilarious.

also, can i say that i HATE when people (particularly men) touch my tattoos who i've met once, or never. . . back the fuck off unless you are a pretty girl, one of my friends, or have a present for me. stop trying to analyze what they all mean, stop drilling me about them, and stop being so nosy. i'll tell you in time, if you give me a chance to not think of you as a stranger. but what's with the touching?! i didn't get tattoos to provoke a reaction- they are solely for me and my artistic sensibilities, and not a reason for strangers to touch me without permission!! grrr.
*i do appreciate nice comments though!! hehe*

when it rains it fucking pours

at 1:00 vic comes home so i can have the car
i need to go to target and get some business attire- unfortunately when i left pittsburgh, i also tossed out EVERY single blazer/business outfit i owned.
4:00 spur of the moment interview with crossroads for a similar case manager position
5:00-8:00 needle exchange in the van

9:00 2 hr interview with mortuary
go to the MVD to get a NM license 10 months after moving here
2:30 interview at spa

listening to the shins- "new slang"; team dresch- "hate the christian right"
watching absentmindedly- "the dog whisperer"


my sweet tooth has burned a hole

i haven't been posting much due to a successful job interview (whoo hoo!!) and my impending move. i interviewed with a group called susan's legacy a few weeks ago for a case manager position for women with co-occurring disorders. i was REALLY into it, but they never called me. turns out that they weren't dialing 412 in front of my number, and have been fruitlessly trying to get ahold of me for days lol. i am almost 100% sure i'm going to take the job, except i also have a mortuary receptionist job interview!! and one at a spa. so we'll see what happens!! we are starting to move into our new place. . . i will post pics asap. that is my life at the moment- that and running away from roaches. xo


vegas can wait

i saw x tonight in santa fe. it was one of the best shows i have ever been to- i haven't felt like that at a show in a LONG time. i bounced around and danced and sang like i used to, i shoved and pushed and fought my way to the front, got kissed by billy zoom, and shared some smiles with exene. it was an amazing night, and my knees are all bruised to show for it.


hi! i'm back. vegas was fantastic and exhausting. i will have a huge post with lots of pics soon.
for now, i'm too sleepy to do much but say HI!
oh and tonight is the x show in santa fe. which makes this the greatest week i've had in a long time!
2 interviews next week.


viva las vegas!!

sheila's intelligent side: that is a really unoriginal blog post title, sheil.
excited vegas going sheil's response:*meow meow meow meow*

today started out very stressful, because of waiting for our soon-to-be landlord to contact us to finalize the deal. but he did call, we did sign, and we now live in downtown abq!! well in name at least. the moving process will take a couple of weeks.
i had a heartbreaking separation from my dogs at the kennel. alaira sat down and vic had to literally push her to the kennel lady. it was soooo sad. i cry every time i drive away from the kennel, thinking about my babies tormenting the other doggies (and being tormented). i also imagine that by day 2, they have forgotten my identity and what happiness ever felt like. day 3 might be a hell dimension. day 4 is like a desert with no end in sight. and pick up time is. . . back to normal!!
anyway, we are off to vegas tomorrow morn and i am excited, like out of my mind. i am also packing a ridiculous amount of clothes for 3 days. i figure this is my chance to show off anything in my wardrobe that i am proud of, that i generally don't get a chance to wear in super casual albuquerque. i can't waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait!! this is cheeseball, but i might have to record all my outfits and share them with you, readers. i know my airplane outfit consists of skinny jeans, sandals, my pittsburgh slacker store black tank, "lucky" bracelet from forever 21, and leopard print earrings. is anyone else interested in talking outfits?? cause seriously, it's so fun.
i'm sure i will have tons of debauchery to report back to you on friday. see you then, and i'll try not to die of alcohol poisoning or something along those lines. xoxo


all roaches must die

i am freakin exhausted after spending the day in santa fe with my family. the girls went engagement ring shopping at the plaza while the boys did boy things. trying on an $80k ring for kicks is pretty fucking fun. we had a lovely day with my sister and brother in law, which ended with my fave summer treat- strawberry shortcake.
yesterday i went to a cool crafts fair, trekked around town with anna, and got some boba tea. watched sweeney todd, applied for a bunch of jobs, drank some gin and tonics.
and yes, all roaches must die, because they make me want to die, and destroy what destroys you, right?
this post is dedicated to the old cashier at smith's, who always insists on smiling, being incredibly friendly, and kind, no matter how grumpy or wayward we are.