nervous

im starting to feel overwhelmed by the sheer quantity of things i have to do. . . just want to take off for the weekend and party and escape for a bit.

i have been talking to din and elena online much more now, and i am getting so freakin excited to see them at the wedding. they are sisters who were two of my best friends in high school. i have been listening to the wedding playlist pretty incessantly and it makes me happy/teary/etc.

im just really tired. . . i upped my cymbalta which is making it impossible for me to get a good night's sleep. so my nurse prescribes me trazodone, which turns me into a zombie. no happy medium. . .

im off to watch top chef and maybe do my nalls or something. xox

35 days

till i become a married woman.

i have been working on the wedding playlist, which makes me alternately incredibly happy and kind of wistful/nostalgic.

i look at myself and sometimes don't know how i made it this far. . . i am very, very happy with my place in this world and can't believe how much i have been transformed in the past 9 years.

i still remember everything. . . and i know i have to. we all have our burden to bear, right?? but its not as painful. there are so many good things. my relationship with my sister is so positive right now, and i love her baby more than anything. he will have such a happy, supported life- it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it.

i have a job i love- a job that is sometimes too consuming, but something i truly enjoy.

i have alaira and gabe- they make me insane, but they are my best friends and my life.

and then there is vic, that dude i'm going to marry. i am SO lucky. i believe in so MUCH now. . . he has made me a believer. in what? everything.

i am so, so excited to get married!! and to have the biggest party of my life with my friends, my true family.

and weddings swirled around in her head. . .

WHOA. seriously, whoa. weddings are SERIOUS business. i knew this, purely from an outsiders perspective. but now i'm actually semi in this world, and its scary. my sister, who is incredibly sweet and excited, presented me with my first bridal maagazine. and its terrifying. probably 200 solid pages of ads, with swoooning, dramatic brides pouting and posing. i think there were 2 articles in the whole damn thing.
anna and reen and i went to a bridal boutique to try on dresses. i was dreading it, but it was actually pretty fun!! no wonder everyone looks hot in a wedding gown- you are literally strapped in, buckled down, corseted, the whole fuckin deal- of course you're gonna look good!!
i actually have some good ideas for what i would like my dress to look like, hopefully for a third of the price of the gowns in there.
so that leads me to my next question? who is going to pay for all this?? should i start one of those internet fad sites soliciting money through paypal, with a sob story to inspire people? plasma donation? what? help!
people have been just lovely about us being engaged though. my work folk all gave me a really sweet card, and are demanding to meet vic to give him their stamp of approval. . . cute.
my friends have all been wonderful with phone calls and texts and lots of love. i still have a lot of phone calls to make this week.
yesterday was my man's birthday- i got him a bunch of stuff for the wii and i think he was pretty thrilled. i also made baked mac and cheese, and we all pigged out to the 9th degree- is that the right expression? i dont think so. oh well.
also, i have a mouse in my house.
anna saw it the first time scampering behind the stove. i saw it in the laundry room diving down a pipe. yesterday i saw it running across the ledge behind the sink.
friend, you are too bold.
at first i imagined all the cute adventures you must be having.
you have gone too far.
a humane trap will be in place today to take you to a new home. farewell in advance.

all roaches must die

i am freakin exhausted after spending the day in santa fe with my family. the girls went engagement ring shopping at the plaza while the boys did boy things. trying on an $80k ring for kicks is pretty fucking fun. we had a lovely day with my sister and brother in law, which ended with my fave summer treat- strawberry shortcake.
yesterday i went to a cool crafts fair, trekked around town with anna, and got some boba tea. watched sweeney todd, applied for a bunch of jobs, drank some gin and tonics.
and yes, all roaches must die, because they make me want to die, and destroy what destroys you, right?
this post is dedicated to the old cashier at smith's, who always insists on smiling, being incredibly friendly, and kind, no matter how grumpy or wayward we are.