you grow up and

leave home. you fall in love, an insane crazy love.
he doesn't love you back.

you spend the summer in the land of enchantment. it is so hot there that you are burning up inside, your skin changes colors, you write endlessly and feel everything.
you fall in love again. this time it's for real.

a man moves across the country for you.

you are shocked. you are SO SO in love. to some degree you are really just trying to convince yourself, to deal with the crazy situation you have been thrown into. but really, you haven't been thrown into it- you asked for it, you invited it, you reveled in the pure insanity and chaos of it all.

you live in hell.
your life has reached such a low point you don't know where you even are, in the universe. you scream and no one hears, but you scream quietly to make sure no one hears.
you want to die, for real. you're already dead but let's make it official.
you reach the seemingly endless bottom of the grave and decide to claw out of it.

you start over.
you make a strange little life for yourself, that consists of tents and notebooks and mad dog bottles and falling asleep with cigarettes.
its new and happy and devastating and true.

you fall in love.
it's hopeless and lonely, and normal and so abnormal.
he hurts you more than you have ever been hurt before, because he is That One and That Other One and HIM and every crushed dream you had along the way, rolled into one.
so you meet other boys.
they break your heart and you like to think that maybe you break some hearts along the way too.

you meet this one boy.
he is different.
you realize you had never truly been loved by a man, ever, until him.
you realize that it's possible for something to be pure, still, like the love you have for him.

a man moves across the country for you.
you are blessed and somewhat cured, and grateful.
you grow up